Choose Your Words Carefully!
One of the questions families ask me most often is, “Can they still hear me?”
My answer is always the same.
Talk to them anyway.
Over the years, I have sat beside many patients during their final hours. Again and again, I have watched families struggle with what to say. Some stop talking altogether because they aren’t sure their loved one can hear them. Others begin discussing funeral plans or difficult family matters at the bedside, assuming it doesn’t matter anymore.
I gently remind them that hearing is believed to be the last sense to fade. While we can never know exactly what someone hears or understands, I believe we should always speak as though they can hear every word.
That simple belief changes everything.
Instead of saying, “She’s gone,” I encourage families to say, “We’re here with you.”
Instead of filling the room with worry, I encourage them to fill it with love.
Say thank you.
Say I love you.
Share a favorite memory.
Read a prayer.
Play their favorite music.
Or simply sit quietly, hold a hand, and let your presence speak.
As a physician, I have prescribed many medications. But some of the greatest comfort I have ever witnessed came not from a prescription, but from a daughter’s voice, a husband’s prayer, or a grandchild whispering, “We’ll be okay.”
Words matter.
Especially the last ones.
Caregiver Pearl: Speak as though your loved one can hear every word—because they just might.
This reflection was inspired by Whisper to the Wind, one of the songs from my educational album, Returning Home, created to support family caregivers through the end-of-life journey.
Mahalo for reading!
Have you discovered a simple activity that brings comfort to someone you love? I’d enjoy hearing your ideas in the comments below.
With warm aloha,
Dr. Ritabelle Fernandes